{NETBOOKS III Winter-Spring 2006}

YOUNG COUPLE, OLD COUPLE

I noticed something missing.
the area to my right felt very open
because it was.

the old jukebox and pinball machine
were replaced by a single, digital
music delivery system which requires
as much space as a 70's wall phone,
comparatively.

in front of that newly discovered space
is the older couple.
she is here a lot, alone recently, but now
she's found a comparable older man
who-at least for now-can bear to listen
to her incessant talking

two stools to their right is the young couple on
what could be their first date

the younger girl
is talking much less than
the older woman
(years of desperation not yet expressed?)

but the men talk about the same amount.
They are both lost, yet comfortable
in the vying

suddenly there is a conversation lull
and each couple simultaneously strikes
a silent pose...
...while I juxtapose.

I sip my rum & coke.

REVELATION

Everyone likes to talk when they are at work. Office workers in Cubicle Land talk to each other throughout the day to alleviate the boredom of work; language being an overbearing human trait. Well, bartenders do that too when they are at work except that they talk to the "regulars" who are, in effect, the inverse of employees. In these terms, one could view the job duties of the "regular" as the following: To drink without a receiving a wage. Instead, the pub patron gets served by people who are getting paid-for the most part-NOT to drink and to assist in getting the customers drunk. And the customers get drunker and drunker. And the regulars keep coming back. And what the drunks don't know is that they are employees who are not getting paid. And what the employees who get the drunks drunk don't know is that the "regulars" don't know that they are employees. And the drunks don't know that all of the barmaid conversations they have fallen in-love with is all co-worker talk.

JOKE

The annual Walk For Breast Cancer turns into a wet T-shirt contest when it rains.

HELF SELP

I'm great at what I do
I'm bad at what I can't
I'm good at knowing the difference
I can always be better at re-evaluating my limits.

LAWYER BALL

While sitting in the bleachers at Fenway, Bill, a lawyer friend of mine, told the following two geeky stories from his little-league playing days:

1) Nine-year-old Bill may not have been the best natural athlete on the team but he was smart. Smarter than everyone else on the field, apparently, when he ran to first base after the ball got past the catcher following his third strike. Most adult baseball fans know that you can reach first base safely after a third strike passed ball, but not these little league parents. Bill argued profusely with the umpire and even his own coach but to no avail. Knowing the rules and how to apply them is no way to play the game at this level. Bill used trickery. He was a witch!.

2) Bill, knowing that an eight-year old's arm will NEVER throw out a runner attempting to steal second decided he would try to steal 2 bases at once. He'd just keep running, non-stop, past second base and onto third when the throw went down to second. One day, as Bill zoomed his way toward the surprisingly possible, the catcher dropped the ball and didn't even bother throwing to second. When Bill reached second safely--sans throw, not looking-and continued onto third (coaches and parents hollering for him to stop) the catcher merely tossed the ball to third where he was a dead duck. Out by an embarrassing mile. It is not surprising that Bill would one day become a lawyer. He had great courage...on paper.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS

Hand

Don't think,
observe.
Either say the opposite
or ignore.
You cannot hear the censured
(this is important).
Honesty doesn't work
if everything is true.
Who knew?

Star vs. Team

The NBA wants the former
the world needs the latter
The Patriots and The Pistons
(team teams both)
retired the last millennium
into this one,
its zenith over
Individualism reigns
Group behavior rains.

Something

I was just giving a pretend speech
to someone in my mind-telling them
how "when you've been around
as long as I have you get to know
what you want"
when i looked up and watched
a guy on a bike ride-full-speed-into
the back of a parked car.
I don't know what that means
but it means something.

Grim & Tonic

drinking establishments like
the Temple Bar and Tonic
are elegant bars for the
rich & plain
european, taught, and smelly
from the unnecessary, pungent
masking of the part of the ego
that doesn't understand
their ego is being masked
and perfume-buried beneath
their superficial self-confidence
while there is a "ficial" one
waiting to bust out.

Tough Love

the Model:
where ugly guys go
to fuck ugly girls.
(and I'm not talking physically)

Keno Vision (Obstructed View)

Try sitting at the Silhouette
in front of the Whatever Machine
and look down the other end of the bar
only to see the Model's new, regular doorman
cockateauing his head back-n-forth
while staring
through your eyes
above your eyes
around your eyes
like an accidental dork
in rapid-is-now,
life-or-death haste to catch
the streaming keno numbers
wrapped around an obstructed view pole
firing hope behind random heads
(one of which is mine)
as if all the bar
has the greatest ass.

Fake Quotes

"In life, as in the movies, everything you see in the frame was put there for a reason"

"I went to a scenester house party the other night. It was like going to a high school float meeting except everyone was in a band."

MDI (Million Dollar Idea)

A travelogue called "Poop Around The World."
Various descriptions, stories, reviews, and anecdotes about travelers scatological experiences during global travel.

MDI - Bad Roommate (A reality TV Show)
Good roommates nominate their bad roommates by secretly videotaping their bad roommate antics-empty ice cube trays, property destruction, dish violations, bad music, borrow-to-own items-and submitting them to the show. Three contestants per show. Worst roommate winner decided by on-line voting.